This One is For the Single Girls.

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Singleness is a Blessing!

   If I could have had it my way, I would have been married by now.
I would have married my high school sweetheart or met a handsome boy in college, and we would have gotten engaged right after graduation. Heck, I would of even married a few boys I met on tinder- If it would have worked out.  It wasn’t that I was boy crazy, or even imagined my wedding as a little girl. It was because I had a heart to be a wife and a mother, and I still do.

If you too have a heart of a wife and a mother, I know how painful it is to wait. 

But before I get into wedding bliss, where every Wednesday I'm going to give you a few wedding updates and blog posts, I feel like I should start off by expressing to you how low my lows were and how high my highs were as a single woman.


                                                   

SINGLE AF!

   I’m sure you’ve seen the movie 27 Dresses. Hello, that’s me. I am her. I almost took a picture of my closet so you could see how many bridesmaid dresses I actually have hanging in there. Instead I’m going to go down the line in my closet and tell you.


 I have my little cousin’s bridesmaid
       dress in my closet, who is 10 years
       younger than me.

    •  My two best friends dresses are in 
       there.

    •  I have a couple of dresses from a
       few brides that I was in the 1st and 2nd wedding.

    • I was a bridesmaid in my grandmother’s 3rd wedding.
(Thanksgiving of 2012, she told me to never get married)

    A few dresses that I have I truly believe the brides just asked me to be a bridesmaid out of pity. (If you ever have been a bridesmaid, you know that it’s TOTALLY okay not to be a bridesmaid. Let me just sit in the audience and enjoy the cake.)

Lastly, I have a few dresses that I never wore, because the weddings were called off.

Let me say this- I am so grateful that these women picked me to be in their wedding. I was happy for every single woman that got married on those days. They were perfect moments in time and I was so lucky to be a part of their special day.  But I couldn’t help but think maybe I was falling behind. Time was passing and here I was with no potential suitors. I have caught so many bouquets that I probably would have enough flowers for my whole wedding coming up- HAH! Granted, the last few weddings I had been to, I was the only single one.


    It was annoying that I had became the only single woman standing and waiting to catch a bouquet by the bride. Whats even more annoying is to catch it standing In the middle of 10 year olds who cry when my height and long arms reach across their head.
    It had also become increasingly annoying coming home from college and the thanksgiving dinner conversation ended up being about me and why I wasn’t dating anyone…  
     It also became a running joke that I had to go on The Bachelor in order to find someone. (Which was the best thing I've ever done as a single woman.. but that's another blog post...)

I could handle it being annoying. I wasn’t in a rush. I had never been in a hurry to find someone. All these things bothered me, but I could deal with it.

The scary part is the conversation I was having with myself. I almost tricked myself into believing that I didn't want to be a wife or a mother. It was easier to believe that then to always hoping and always being let down.

Mr. Right Now and Mr. Right!

I believe that people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. And people that were meant for a season, you can't put into your lifetime category. I've tried. 

         Mr Right Now is not the same person as Mr. Right. TRUST AND BELIEVE ME.  Oh, the time I wasted and the lessons I have learned the hard way by ignoring the fact I was not with the right person.  
              Hoping a boy would love me back, as much as I loved him was like giving my soul a self-inflicting wound. Why I thought I wanted someone who didn’t want me was a good idea...I’ll never know.  
               I look back now and get so mad at putting myself into those situations.
              I’ve also dated a Mr. Right Now that wasn’t a jerk at all. He actually had every checked box on my list. Still yet, he wasn’t the one. That break up was no easier than the jerk who shattered my heart in two. Each breakup taught me a little bit more about myself. My ownership in what I did wrong in the relationship. Mistakes that I had made that I would never make again. What I wanted, what I didn’t want.
      It's okay to make mistakes in dating. This is your time of personal growth, and maturing. I hope you are wise enough to know the difference between Mr. Right Now and Mr. Right. And I hope if you find yourself with Mr. Right Now that you find the confidence and the strength to exit the relationship. I pray that you find yourself and love yourself the way you deserve... and you don’t need a man to do that.

Oh, and P.S. Remember, people will treat you the way you let them treat you. 


CHEETOS ON MY WHITE COMFORTER MOMENT


     Around my mid-twenties and years of dating failure, I had an epiphany.  It was right after a very pitiful self-loathing moment I was also having… “Why can’t I find anyone?” “Will anyone love me?” “Does God just want me to be single the rest of my life?” “Why does this boy not love me as much as I love him?” Pretty dramatic for a twenty-something year old.
    Still today it’s one of my favorite memories of being single. I was eating Cheetos in my bed that had a big fluffy white comforter, watching Sex and the city.  As I was eating Cheetos and not caring if the crumbs fell onto my white comforter, I had a self-realization. I knew at that very moment, that the phase in my life of being in my own bed, in my own apartment, eating whatever I wanted in my bed, would never come again.  

This may be the only time in my life to ever be completely selfish. 

              One day you’ll be a wife. One day you’ll be a mother. And with those two wonderful titles comes great responsibility. There will be times where you have to put yourself second. But right now, in this moment, I had no one to tell me I couldn’t eat Cheetos in my bed. Or to be careful because you’re on a white comforter. No one was complaining to me about changing the TV channel from my favorite show because they wanted to watch something. Nope, none of those things were happening, and as much as I wanted to be with my soulmate, I found such pleasure in doing whatever the heck I wanted.
         In that moment, as silly as it may seem, I realized that singleness was a gift. 

 I hope whatever you are doing on your own, whether it be eating ice cream out of the carton, or traveling to places without having to check in with someone- You are enjoying every minute of it. Be grateful and thankful for the season you are in, because seasons pass and seasons change.


WAITING!

              Someone once told me to never pray for patience, because you never know how long God might teach you patience-HAH! With that being said, I never prayed for patience while waiting on the right person. I did pray that God’s will and timing be done. I prayed for my God given woman intuition to nudge at my heart and my mind when I was with someone who I wasn’t supposed to be with, and that if I was still left confused and hurt, that the strong women in my life would speak truth into my heart.

Waiting is a lot easier when you see your worth and you view being single as a blessing.
 
It’s also a lot easier when you have women rooting for you to love yourself as they see you. (Thank you Mom. Thank you, Whitlee. Thank you, Kelly. Thank you, Lauren. Thank you, Tia. Thank you, Ms. Skoog. )



WHAT I HOPE YOU KEEP IN MIND..


All in all, all you single ladies, I want you to know that I understand your pain and frustration. I also want you to know that being single is a blessing. It’s a season of self realization and self growth. Learn about yourself. Love yourself. Do all the things you wanted to do. Travel. Eat. Find your happy.

And lastly, always, always remember, your worth is not defined by a man. It's defined by you.



Next week I'll talk more wedding, but this week I wanted to encourage all those single girls out there. I am praying for you, I am rooting for you. Know your worth. 

XOXO, 
Raven 





51 comments

  • Coco: July 28, 2019

    I loved all of this but as a woman in her 40s who is still single its a struggle to think it’s a blessing. It’s hard to believe at times if there is anyone out there for me. However with that said congrats.

  • Crystal: July 28, 2019

    Thank you SO much for sharing this sweet post. God bless you and Adam in this new season you’re in.

  • angela: July 26, 2019

    you hit the nail on the head, i honestly didn’t know how bad i needed to read this also, im obsessed with the cheetos reference. thank you thank you thank you for this, ill read it 100 times

  • Carolyn : July 26, 2019

    Wow thank you for writing this. This is excellent perspective from a single woman who has now found her happy. I was single for a long time and can relate to everything you wrote here. As I approached my early thirties and still hadn’t found a partner I too tried to convince myself that this was just the way it was going to be. Maybe it wasn’t meant for me to find someone. Maybe I was meant to be single in this life. I tried to embrace it but I still had hope in my heart that god had other plans for me. It’s very hard to keep your faith when time and Time again you get burned by the dating world. But I focused on myself. I have a great career where I am financially independent, I have my own apartment and am able to come and go as I please. At 32 I finally found the right guy. And let me tell you he was totally worth all the pain and self growth and dating experiences that didn’t work out. I truly feel that god put him in my life when I was ready to handle the responsibility of a serious relationship. And when it’s the right person they will love you for you and you won’t have to convince him to treat you right or to love you. Single ladies. Have faith and embrace your singleness until god puts your partner in your life. Thank you raven for not forgetting abt the single ladies 💕💕

  • Kelsey Huff: July 26, 2019

    Thank you so much for the reminder. It was much needed.❤️
    xoxox

  • Ashley: July 25, 2019

    Thank you Raven for the great blog, I could totally relate to this.

  • Krystal C: July 25, 2019

    I literally just moved back in with my parents 5 days ago. I’m 29, almost 30. I was independent, had my own apartment, then met someone who I thought I could convince was my Mr. right. Well, I was Ms. Wrong. He owned his house so I gave up my apartment. After a year and a half I realized I lost who I was. Who I am. I wasn’t myself. I decided to walk away last week and move back in with my parents. At 29, almost 30 years old, it’s a tough pill to swallow. The ‘will someone ever love me and will I love them back’ question pops in. I hate people that say ‘you’re so pretty you can get anyone’. Congrats to me. I don’t want just ‘anyone’. I want my ONE.

    I’m trying to love being single. I’m trying to enjoy the freedom. Eating lucky charms for dinner and not getting off the couch to cater to someone. It’s hard but I’m working on it.

    I needed this post. I’m sure a lot of us did.

    You’re a gem ♡ and thank you

  • Ashley: July 25, 2019

    Hi Raven! This article hit home for me, I completely bursted into tears reading this because it’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. I was in a long relationship that was more of a friendship so I decided to end things which was one of the hardest things I had to do. Time went on I met someone, even though I know how much he cared and loved me, he didn’t treat me the way I deserved and ended up breaking my heart. He even stood me up at my brothers wedding. I’ve been having a hard time after that with similar thoughts that you’ve had. But you’re right this is my time to be selfish for me. One day I will meet my person, I’ll become a wife and a mother. But until then I need to continue living my best life! Thank you so much for sharing this, congrats to you and Adam! Xoxo

  • Raegan: July 25, 2019

    I related to this post so much! I have now met my Mr. Right, but I’ve had many Mr. Right Nows who I really “wanted” to be the one. God placed a deep desire on my heart to be a wife and mother, like He did with you. And now that I’m in the relationship God wanted me to be in, I understand why and am SO thankful that none of those relationships before him worked out. I did make the mistake of praying for patience (and it was after that that I heard the same thing you did, to NEVER do that haha!!), but I’m glad I did. God taught me so much about myself, who I am in HIS eyes, and that my identity is not defined, as you said, by who I am dating. I learned that I only deserve the best, how to be strong for my own heart’s sake, and how to NEVER settle. Most importantly, I learned to love myself FIRST, to understand that God has a plan for me and that His timing is perfect. I’ve been realizing that my time of selfishness is ending as well. But I pray for all the single girls out there, too, that they learn their self worth is not in a man, and that waiting for Mr. Right, the guy who treats you better than you could imagine, waiting for THAT guy is so beyond worth it. Thank you Raven! Loved this.

  • Mikayla Sartain: July 25, 2019

    I know you will probably never see this but I wanted to write to you to say thank you. One of my best friends sent me your blog “This One is For the Single Girls”, it hit me so hard. My fiancé and I broke up not even a week ago, and I broke things off because even though I loved him and thought he was going to be Mr Right, it turns out like you said he was Mr Right Now instead of Mr Right. Thank you for putting what I was feeling into words that made sense, I appreciate you so much for that post, so thank you!

  • Bianca: July 25, 2019

    Wow, thank you so much for sharing. I am nit even single, but I am in a long distance relationship and can get so sad when I realize that it has to be that way for another 2 years.

    Now I realize that even these two years is a blessing (even though I miss him every day) because I have two more years of having a girly room and hiding my secret stach of sweets in my bedstand.

    Lots of love xx

  • Lindsey: July 24, 2019

    Thank you for posting this! This was just what I needed to hear. I am from a super small town too where everyone gets married super young, and it’s hard to not feel like you’re behind when you realize you’re the only single one. Especially with social media on top of the existing pressure from family and friends. I’ll be 25 this year, and all of my friends are married or engaged, and I have been a part of all their weddings, so I completely agree with and understand your post. Thank you for taking the time to think of the single ladies and share some encouraging thoughts!

  • Rani: July 24, 2019

    This. This post. I cried all the tears. And laughed all the giggles. Thank you for showing us single gals some love. Being single is my biggest struggle and I wish it wasn’t. Being a wife & a mother is my number goal in life and right now I feel like I will never fulfill that. But, thank you, Raven for this post and pouring your heart into it. Go gett’em in your wedding planning! 💕

  • Amber : July 24, 2019

    Wow! Thank you so much for writing this blog. It really spoke to me on multiple levels. I have recently been praying that God’s will and perfect timing to be done in my life. Waiting has been so hard and I’ve even read a book called “Wait and See” by Wendy Pope. Amazing book that discusses how to “wait well in life’s pauses”. Your blog reminded me of the book and I thank you so much for that. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in being single sometimes but I have faith in God that He alone is enough for me and will allow the door to open for my Mr. Right when it’s HIS timing. Thank you again Raven and I hope you have such a beautiful wedding. You so deserve it!! :)

  • Annie : July 24, 2019

    I had not ever read a blog, but I’m glad I did because there were times that I will though I will never find Mr. Right. Also, I love that you have the opportunity to open up and talk to us single girls, about not to lose hope and be patience. I had doubts myself a lot and think that I’m not good enough for no one. But over the years I have learned to love myself more and hope in God the that Mr. Right will come soon.

  • Jessica: July 24, 2019

    Raven,
    Thank you for this amazing post! I really needed this because most of my friends are engaged or married. I am so happy for them but it hard sometimes when like you, I can’t wait to have the title of wife and mother. I am definitely trying to just enjoy this time being single and focus on loving me but it is hard sometimes. Your words are so encouraging! I am so happy for you and Adam!! I wish you guys a lifetime of happiness!

  • Anna: July 24, 2019

    Thank you for this ❤️ I am a 38 – almost 39 year recently single (again) old woman from Finland. Your post was pure gold. And I m at awe that in the beginning of your wedding planning posts you wanted to write first to all the single girls. You are pure gold as well :) All the best!

  • Michelle: July 24, 2019

    Thank you Raven so so much for this. These are the exact words I needed to hear. I’m generally an optimist and have an abundance of patience, but sometimes it does become extremely hard and challenging when you’re not sure when you will find Mr. Right or if you ever will. I’m choosing everyday to hold on to hope that God is working hard and will make the perfect moment happen for me to meet him. This gave me more hope and I want to continue looking at this current season of my life as an opportunity for growth and a beautiful season for happiness adventure, because I have no idea when it might end. Wishing you and Adam a lifetime of happiness! Thank you 💗

  • Karina: July 24, 2019

    Thank you so much for this! I really needed this. I continually beat myself up and overthink things whenever I get rejected or when I see all my friends in great relationships while I’m the only single friend. It always feels like there is something wrong with me, even though I tell myself that that guy just wasn’t the man for me. Thank you for pointing out the positive side of singleness and for all your words of encouragement!

  • Liane Docherty: July 24, 2019

    Hi Raven!

    I can’t thank you enough for writing this as I have been having a lot of doubts recently.

    In high school I thought I was with the love of my life and could not wait to marry him, until I found out he was cheating on me for over 6 months…

    When I finally found out and ended things I have had a really hard time wondering why I am not enough, and the cherry on top of the cake is I am a wedding planner for a living. I can plan other people’s perfect days but can’t find my person… this made me very bitter about marriage.

    Reading your words really made me realize that I am not alone. There are a number of people out there that feel how I feel even when I feel like I am all alone.

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

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